photos tagged with #growth

holeinmychestthesizeofmyhead14
Posted: 0.2 hours ago
I’m back on tumblr once again, looking for a safe outlet. I’m a medical student that suffers from a spectrum of mental health disorders, so for obvious reasons I must hide my identity on here and in reality. Of the many diagnoses I’ve been given, some combination of borderline personality disorder and type ii bipolar are probably the most accurate, with a dash of anxiety and PTSD thrown in for good measure. Thankfully, at this point in my life, I have finally found medications that bring me relief, clarity, sanity, and happiness most times. I have grown immensely as a person over the last several years and am much better at coping with life. However, for the most part I am still emotionally alone which makes tough times hard to handle. As you may imagine, there are many of those in medical school, so here I am looking for my outlet. Sure, I have many friends/acquaintances now, and a fairly good bunch of close friends. But unfortunately they cannot, and do not know this side of me, nor how to support me emotionally. I don’t hold this against them. This is hard for anyone to handle, and I don’t think any of them truly understand how much I struggle. When you are not demonstrative, most people do not understand. Right now I am struggling. The girl I was dating cheated on me a couple months ago. Last night, I was forced to be in proximity to her and the guy she cheated on me with, who she is of course with now when I refused to take her back after her infidelity. Nevermind the fact that she proclaimed it was a mistake and she would wait for me. Ha. Now my heart hurts, but I think it is really my pride and old wrathful ways that are the true problem. In hindsight, I did not have deep feelings for this girl and was not happy in the relationship. Objectively, I recognize she probably sensed this and found comfort in another’s arms. But today I am filled with rage and hurt. I hate that I handled learning of the infidelity with maturity. I did not curse at her. I did not raise my voice. I said no hurtful words. I cast no accusations. I did not delete her or her family from my social media. I did not proceed to sully her name. Though when people asked why we broke up, I did not lie for her sake. I am more saddened that this happened again. A hallmark of borderline personality disorder (my most accurate diagnosis) is an overwhelming fear of abandonment. My rational barriers against that are failing me at the moment. I do not miss her. Not at all. I am sad that no one seems to accept me for who I am. I tried sharing with her my reality. Teaching her of my mental battles without ever using them as a crutch or excuse for anything. I tried being more present than I am want to do, for I am a savagely independent man that prefers solitude. It was not enough. I think part of what is infuriating me right now is I can feel myself succumbing to old demons. Another hallmark of BPD is to constantly view oneself as a victim. I LOATHE that about myself. I have gotten extremely good at moving extremely far away from it (using another hallmark of BPD, doing things in extremes, as a tool for good). Clearly, right now I am viewing myself as a victim. Hence this confession as I attempt to right my ship. This entire experience, as well as finally being in a medical school and on the road to becoming a physician, has made me realize that I finally have the freedom to be and do whatever I want. I am saddened and amazed to learn I do not know what to do with that freedom. I edited numerous parts of myself for her, putting her wants over my own. Of course it did not work out. No wonder I started unconsciously pulling away. I realized I never even had feelings for her, I just convinced myself I should and did. I have spent so long fighting against the irrationalities and unrealities of unstable mental health, as well as the dance required to get into medical school, that I have lost sight of some of my core identities and values. This is the focal point of me restarting this blog. To vent about the hard times, but mostly rediscover who and what I really am. What I truly want. And am. For me. Not anyone else.
#medicine #medical school #borderline personality disorder #BPD #growth #change #self discovery #introspection #mental health
tonycurl
Posted: 1.5 hours ago
Build momentum and do stuff that helps you and doesn’t hurt you. “Seriously Simple Stuff to Get You Unstuck” available at Amazon and online where good books are sold. #seriouslysimple #coachcurl #dailyfuel #breaktheshackles #inspiration #motivation #intention #vision #action #clarity #author #amazon #authorsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #writer #greatread #simple #success #growth #personaldevelopment #simple #encouragement #mindset #behavior #lifelessons
#writer #growth #amazon #simple #mindset #intention #clarity #personaldevelopment #inspiration #vision #coachcurl #motivation #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #author #seriouslysimple #success #behavior #dailyfuel #greatread #breaktheshackles #encouragement #lifelessons #action
petitplat
Posted: 5.8 hours ago
Tiny bull (because of the horns!), sculpture, 2018 Love the color combo? … Today’s the day! All the small sculptures and jewelry are up on my website www.petitplat.fr/shop I also decided to offer worldwide free shipping 😎👍 … I’ll be teaching how too mashe these irl www.petitplat.fr/pilsen . . . #artsculpture #art #sculpturecontemporaine #sculpture #growth #mushroom #biodiversity #contemporaryart #contemporarysculpture #polymerclay #polymerclayart #artcontemporain #surrealism #lowbrow #lowbrowart #beetle #insects #entomologyart #entomology
#mushroom #insects #growth #artcontemporain #entomology #sculpture #polymerclay #contemporaryart #sculpturecontemporaine #surrealism #lowbrowart #beetle #art #polymerclayart #contemporarysculpture #artsculpture #lowbrow #biodiversity #entomologyart
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